Change is hard.
My boys and I were watching "What About Bob?" the other day. Remember the name of the psychiatrist's book that he was shilling?
"Baby Steps."
Sometimes I get so excited about a new idea or prospect that I go gungho...for about a week. And then I get frustrated with my lack of progress that my excitement just kind of...disappears.
I need to have a garage sale. My family of six has accumulated sooo much STUFF over the 17 years we've lived in this little tiny house that we are in desperate need of a super purge. So I set a date and started purging. Two weeks later I'm just a baby step ahead.
Change is hard.
Change is especially hard when you are not seeing results. The spouse and I are in about our third month of a training program for that big relay. We are running three to four days a week. I can see some definition in my calves but my weight won't move an inch. It's so frustrating to work so hard at something...I am not a natural runner at all...to have very little progress. The spouse, who has been sedentary for the last three years where I have been working out for the most part, can complete a 5k in five minutes less than I can. He used to be a runner and has a natural affinity for it...and I feel like I struggle with every step.
Change is hard.
One of the hardest things to change is my pattern of thought. Someone said once that when you suffer from depression your thoughts become a train that goes over and over the same tracks..and that medication helps you switch at the junction. I don't know about that..but I do know that when things are quiet my mind seems to find the sad places even though I try very hard to stay away from them. I suppose the grooves that lead it there are deep and downhill. Sometimes I think that the problem is that I don't know how NOT to think that way. It requires a change I don't seem to be equipped to handle.
So...what to do?
I guess it's the baby steps...though sometimes I feel like Bill Murray standing on the doorstep begging someone to fix me. That's sort of what we expect any more...the easy fix. The fast weight loss, the happy pills, the fix my restaurant/salon/home/life in 60 minutes or less.
Somehow I have to get past the head banging. It's leaving a bruise.
What steps help you get out of a rut?
Friday, July 13, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
trains for a relay. A really long relay....
About three years ago I sort of hit bottom depression-wise. Big messy bottom with lots of casualties. As I slowly put myself back together I decided I wanted to start running. My goal: to complete a 5k (3.1miles).
I looked around on the internet and found a program called "Couch to 5K." It is a beginning running program to help those with little to no weekly exercise work up to running a 5k.
I remember my first work out. I was at Liberty Park and was armed with my old running shoes and a timer. The first work out is to walk briskly for five minutes, and then alternate jogging one minute and walking a minute and a half for 20 minutes. I thought i was gonna die. No lie. I couldn't breathe. My legs barely shuffled along. I thought of when I ran the HURDLES in high school and wondered how I could have fallen into such horrible, pathetic shape.
I had a goal...to run the Deseret news 5k on July 24th. I think I started my running program around mid April. It was cold and rainy and even snowed a few times but I kept at it. And my stamina improved and the distance I could run without stopping increased. After that first day I never thought I would ever be able to work up to a 5k...but I did it. I remember the first time I finished my 3 miles around the East High track...I was fatigued but elated. I was WONDERWOMAN!
I got excited and didn't want to wait so I registered for a race on July 3. I was sooo nervous. I wasn't worried about winning...I was afraid I'd not be able to run the whole thing and would have to walk. I was so nervous I made my stomach sick and had to find a portapotty right before the race. I started of slow...barely faster than walking...but I finished. That race had a pretty long hill near the end and I ran the whole thing.
Flash forward one year...I stopped running but had sporadically been working out at the gym. My weight was steady at about 40 lbs overweight but I looked and felt better than I had in years. Thanks to a friend at work I continued hitting the gym...staying in ok shape but not really progressing.
Then...early April of this year I lost my job of 10 years.
Holy smokes. I won't go into details but to say that if karma is real I know a few people who are in for a world of hurt. Everyone who knows the story can't believe it...including me. Suffice it to say that if you are frustrated at work be very careful whom you express that frustration to...because even if they are also venting to you they could be playing both sides. So. Also...If you work at a certain pre-school don't even THINK of putting together a dinosaur finale. Yep..it's as silly as it sounds.
Well...I loved my job. Not the place..but the job. The teaching. Seeing kids learn to love reading. Seeing the light click on...seeing them laugh and have fun.
So..when this happened I felt very much like I did three years ago. Very much bottom-ish.
I stopped working out. I started EATING. Well, I never stopped eating..but I started eating a lot of sugar...something I had been very careful about once I started running. And in a few short months I had gained TWELVE POUNDS.
That really sucked. It was really hard to lose them but amazingly easy to find where I left them. And one day I looked in the mirror and at the cute shorts I could hardly button and thought...
"Yuck."
That same day I got a text from my sister in law asking if I was still interested in the Red Rock Relay, a Ragnar type race down in southern Utah. I had wanted to run Ragnar this year but hadn't done anything about it..so it felt a bit like a second chance.
And it costs $100 to enter...so once I sent in my fee...I was COMMITTED. (Not the kind of committed that comes with nice men in the clean white coats, though I have often felt like I needed a few of those around...)
The hubby, who used to be an amazing runner in his high school days, asked if he could run with me. Running has sort of been a thing I did for and by myself, but I agreed. Now my eldest son is running with us and we're trying to get the other two teens to join in as well. My lil bug wants to come but unfortunately it wouldn't work since we run and she's just ...a lil bug.
So...I am slowly working up my minutes and miles...in anticipation of the two day Red Rock Relay. I run..rain or shine. I actually prefer the rain...the shine seems to suck all my energy out. And for the first time in quite a while...I am truly excited for something. I believe I can do this. I feel it. I think I could really like this sort of thing. I hope.
So if you've ever thought you might want to try running...look up couch to 5k and try it. You may not feel good while you run (truth is I most often don't) but I feel really good AFTER I'm done. Also..go to a good running store and get fitted for the right shoes. It makes a huge difference.
Good luck! If you're a runner or thinking of running leave me a comment...I'd love to hear how you are doing. :)
I looked around on the internet and found a program called "Couch to 5K." It is a beginning running program to help those with little to no weekly exercise work up to running a 5k.
I remember my first work out. I was at Liberty Park and was armed with my old running shoes and a timer. The first work out is to walk briskly for five minutes, and then alternate jogging one minute and walking a minute and a half for 20 minutes. I thought i was gonna die. No lie. I couldn't breathe. My legs barely shuffled along. I thought of when I ran the HURDLES in high school and wondered how I could have fallen into such horrible, pathetic shape.
I had a goal...to run the Deseret news 5k on July 24th. I think I started my running program around mid April. It was cold and rainy and even snowed a few times but I kept at it. And my stamina improved and the distance I could run without stopping increased. After that first day I never thought I would ever be able to work up to a 5k...but I did it. I remember the first time I finished my 3 miles around the East High track...I was fatigued but elated. I was WONDERWOMAN!
I got excited and didn't want to wait so I registered for a race on July 3. I was sooo nervous. I wasn't worried about winning...I was afraid I'd not be able to run the whole thing and would have to walk. I was so nervous I made my stomach sick and had to find a portapotty right before the race. I started of slow...barely faster than walking...but I finished. That race had a pretty long hill near the end and I ran the whole thing.
Flash forward one year...I stopped running but had sporadically been working out at the gym. My weight was steady at about 40 lbs overweight but I looked and felt better than I had in years. Thanks to a friend at work I continued hitting the gym...staying in ok shape but not really progressing.
Then...early April of this year I lost my job of 10 years.
Holy smokes. I won't go into details but to say that if karma is real I know a few people who are in for a world of hurt. Everyone who knows the story can't believe it...including me. Suffice it to say that if you are frustrated at work be very careful whom you express that frustration to...because even if they are also venting to you they could be playing both sides. So. Also...If you work at a certain pre-school don't even THINK of putting together a dinosaur finale. Yep..it's as silly as it sounds.
Well...I loved my job. Not the place..but the job. The teaching. Seeing kids learn to love reading. Seeing the light click on...seeing them laugh and have fun.
So..when this happened I felt very much like I did three years ago. Very much bottom-ish.
I stopped working out. I started EATING. Well, I never stopped eating..but I started eating a lot of sugar...something I had been very careful about once I started running. And in a few short months I had gained TWELVE POUNDS.
That really sucked. It was really hard to lose them but amazingly easy to find where I left them. And one day I looked in the mirror and at the cute shorts I could hardly button and thought...
"Yuck."
That same day I got a text from my sister in law asking if I was still interested in the Red Rock Relay, a Ragnar type race down in southern Utah. I had wanted to run Ragnar this year but hadn't done anything about it..so it felt a bit like a second chance.
And it costs $100 to enter...so once I sent in my fee...I was COMMITTED. (Not the kind of committed that comes with nice men in the clean white coats, though I have often felt like I needed a few of those around...)
The hubby, who used to be an amazing runner in his high school days, asked if he could run with me. Running has sort of been a thing I did for and by myself, but I agreed. Now my eldest son is running with us and we're trying to get the other two teens to join in as well. My lil bug wants to come but unfortunately it wouldn't work since we run and she's just ...a lil bug.
So...I am slowly working up my minutes and miles...in anticipation of the two day Red Rock Relay. I run..rain or shine. I actually prefer the rain...the shine seems to suck all my energy out. And for the first time in quite a while...I am truly excited for something. I believe I can do this. I feel it. I think I could really like this sort of thing. I hope.
So if you've ever thought you might want to try running...look up couch to 5k and try it. You may not feel good while you run (truth is I most often don't) but I feel really good AFTER I'm done. Also..go to a good running store and get fitted for the right shoes. It makes a huge difference.
Good luck! If you're a runner or thinking of running leave me a comment...I'd love to hear how you are doing. :)
Monday, June 4, 2012
...makes a green...coughpoopbrowncough...smoothie
So...if you pay attention to the latest health trends...one that keeps coming up is the "green smoothie." As with all health trends green smoothies are touted to make you feel good, lose weight, grow hair, have great skin, win the lottery, marry a doctor etc.
With promises like that...of COURSE I had to break out my 400 dollar rarely used blendtec blender and give'er a go.
Now if you google "green smoothie," you most likely will see pictures of a lovely bright green (sometimes almost cosmically green) drink that is supposed to cure all ills and taste yummy. The thing that they don't really mention is that if you put anything in it to make it taste like anything other than kale or spinach it's gonna look...
Brown.
And not a pretty color of brown either...the color of brown that haunts new mothers' nightmares...the color of brown that usually indicates somebody ate something laced with salmonella.
See...the thing that is supposed to make the green smoothie taste less like a salad bar and more like a ..well..smoothie...is fruit. You can use apples, which, (yay!) come in green...but they are so mildly flavored that they don't really help mask the leafy green taste of the..er...green smoothie.
So what do they recommend? Frozen strawberries.
Yum, right? Of course right! Strawberries are delicious and full of wonderful things that are going to make you feel good, lose weight, grow hair, have great skin, win the lottery, and marry a doctor.
The only problem is...red + green = brown.
Poo brown.
Yummy.
With promises like that...of COURSE I had to break out my 400 dollar rarely used blendtec blender and give'er a go.
Now if you google "green smoothie," you most likely will see pictures of a lovely bright green (sometimes almost cosmically green) drink that is supposed to cure all ills and taste yummy. The thing that they don't really mention is that if you put anything in it to make it taste like anything other than kale or spinach it's gonna look...
Brown.
And not a pretty color of brown either...the color of brown that haunts new mothers' nightmares...the color of brown that usually indicates somebody ate something laced with salmonella.
See...the thing that is supposed to make the green smoothie taste less like a salad bar and more like a ..well..smoothie...is fruit. You can use apples, which, (yay!) come in green...but they are so mildly flavored that they don't really help mask the leafy green taste of the..er...green smoothie.
So what do they recommend? Frozen strawberries.
Yum, right? Of course right! Strawberries are delicious and full of wonderful things that are going to make you feel good, lose weight, grow hair, have great skin, win the lottery, and marry a doctor.
The only problem is...red + green = brown.
Poo brown.
Yummy.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
...starts a new blog
My husband walked in on me working on this today. I told him I was starting a new blog and he said, (and I quote) "What's wrong with the old one?"
Men.
Well...first of all the new one has this darling blog header designed by my sweet friend Kara. She is an uber talented girlie who is good at everything. If you would like to see some of the amazing things she does (plus she's an entertaining writer as well,) check out her blog at www.craftastical.com.
Secondly, sometimes...its a good thing to appreciate something for the purpose it served but move on. The old blog covered a time in my life that I'd...well...just like to learn from and move on. It's not that I really posted much about the things I experienced, but it's a reminder.
And, thirdly, there are lots of fun projects and ideas bouncing around in my head and I'd like to have a place where I can bounce them off you.
So...for today...I can check off of my list "Start new blog!"
I hope to be a more consistent poster than I was on the last one...but I promise no schedule. Things are in a bit of a ...transition for me. Lots of projects coming up on the house (which I hope to share...) and lots of work on myself...which I may or may not share. I used to think mid-life crisis was a man in a toupee in a convertible with a young blonde in the back seat. I'm learning....meh. Not so much.
At any rate...I have this new blog with this cheery new blog header and a new desire to make things...new. Sometimes a little freshening up is all that it takes.
Stay tuned.
Men.
Well...first of all the new one has this darling blog header designed by my sweet friend Kara. She is an uber talented girlie who is good at everything. If you would like to see some of the amazing things she does (plus she's an entertaining writer as well,) check out her blog at www.craftastical.com.
Secondly, sometimes...its a good thing to appreciate something for the purpose it served but move on. The old blog covered a time in my life that I'd...well...just like to learn from and move on. It's not that I really posted much about the things I experienced, but it's a reminder.
And, thirdly, there are lots of fun projects and ideas bouncing around in my head and I'd like to have a place where I can bounce them off you.
So...for today...I can check off of my list "Start new blog!"
I hope to be a more consistent poster than I was on the last one...but I promise no schedule. Things are in a bit of a ...transition for me. Lots of projects coming up on the house (which I hope to share...) and lots of work on myself...which I may or may not share. I used to think mid-life crisis was a man in a toupee in a convertible with a young blonde in the back seat. I'm learning....meh. Not so much.
At any rate...I have this new blog with this cheery new blog header and a new desire to make things...new. Sometimes a little freshening up is all that it takes.
Stay tuned.
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