bangs her head on a wall.

Change is hard.

My boys and I were watching "What About Bob?" the other day. Remember the name of the psychiatrist's book that he was shilling?

"Baby Steps."

Sometimes I get so excited about a new idea or prospect that I go gungho...for about a week. And then I get frustrated with my lack of progress that my excitement just kind of...disappears.

I need to have a garage sale. My family of six has accumulated sooo much STUFF over the 17 years we've lived in this little tiny house that we are in desperate need of a super purge. So I set a date and started purging. Two weeks later I'm just a baby step ahead.

Change is hard.

Change is especially hard when you are not seeing results. The spouse and I are in about our third month of a training program for that big relay. We are running three to four days a week. I can see some definition in my calves but my weight won't move an inch. It's so frustrating to work so hard at something...I am not a natural runner at all...to have very little progress. The spouse, who has been sedentary for the last three years where I have been working out for the most part, can complete a 5k in five minutes less than I can. He used to be a runner and has a natural affinity for it...and I feel like I struggle with every step.

Change is hard.

One of the hardest things to change is my pattern of thought. Someone said once that when you suffer from depression your thoughts become a train that goes over and over the same tracks..and that medication helps you switch at the junction. I don't know about that..but I do know that when things are quiet my mind seems to find the sad places even though I try very hard to stay away from them. I suppose the grooves that lead it there are deep and downhill. Sometimes I think that the problem is that I don't know how NOT to think that way. It requires a change I don't seem to be equipped to handle.

So...what to do?

I guess it's the baby steps...though sometimes I feel like Bill Murray standing on the doorstep begging someone to fix me. That's sort of what we expect any more...the easy fix. The fast weight loss, the happy pills, the fix my restaurant/salon/home/life in 60 minutes or less.

Somehow I have to get past the head banging. It's leaving a bruise.

What steps help you get out of a rut?